The scene: You're coming home at the end of the long work day, exhausted, and want nothing more than to put on your favorite sweatpants and eat cereal out of the box with your bare hands. Except, wait, not really — you also want to have sex. But, like, that can't possibly happen — not with the kids, not with work stress, and certainly not with the fact that your body feels like the zombified version of its former self. There are ways to get turned on and feel sexy, even when everything around you seems to indicate that zero sex is going to happen. There is no sex switch in your body that can make you go from work mode to sex mode, unless you are a robot, in which case, hi, cool. Fleming calls this 'keeping your pilot light on. It then makes it a lot easier to get into the mood — if you already consider yourself sexy, why wouldn't you feel ready to go at a moment's notice? There are a myriad of ways to do that, because feeling sexy is subjective. So ask yourself: What makes you feel sexy?
My husband gets up in the average of the night to go en route for the bathroom. In the moonlight, his long blond hair looks almost ashen, his skin glows. I lie calmly and stare at the small of his back, the curve of his ass, the delicate taper of his thighs. This is a kind of looking that, until I married him, I knew only how to accept, not to give; a looking so as to is full of desire for the other, not as a whole body, but as an object of advantage.